Historic Last Model Year of 20th Century Ford Ranger - $2950 (Queen Creek & Sossoman)
Is this truck for you? You might be thinking.. I want a Chevy S10, or an F150, or a Toyota or a Dodge Stratus.. Guess what? This isn't one of them so if that's what you want, call someone else. You want a Ford Ranger, this is a Ford Ranger. Maybe you want a BMW or a Mercedes. Let's take a detour and go on a reality check. This is a Ford Ranger. You want a Ford Ranger, you'll get a Ford Ranger. I don't have a Hummer for sale nor do I have a Dodge Dakota. So if you're looking for a Ford Ranger, this truck is for you!
This truck is loaded with all kinds of useful shit. Whatever you need to drive down the road, it has it. Check this shit out.. It has a windshield, it has headlights. It has tires. It has Doors. It has -- get this -- SEATS.. You can't drive without seats for fuck sakes.. and having a place to sit your ass is just one of the luxuries contained within this last model year of 20th century Americana history. It should be in a museum but it could be in your driveway instead! It has 4 Wheels on it.. Tell me that doesn't make this appealing as shit. You ain't driving nowhere without 4 wheels so you know this is one hell of a bargain. It's even got a fucking spare! You get a flat tire while you're driving that shit? No problem, just change the tire with the spare that's, get this -- Attached UNDER the truck. and guess what.. It's included too. You'll be back on the road with 4 full fucking tires and then you can just throw the flat tire right there in the back with the dog-food you just picked up at PetSmart! There's even room left over for Toilet Paper and water from Costco!
Extras: It's got a Steering wheel so you can turn corners. It has Brakes so you can stop as needed. It has turn signals that indicate left -OR- right and allow you to change lanes safely. There's a tank in the back where you can put fuel in, and when you do that, the truck will be able to drive for a few hundred miles - all at once or take your time, I don't fucking care, it's your truck if you show up to my house with $2950. You can take road trips, or you can drive around the block, there ain't no law against that!
You don't need to come look at the truck and kick the tires.. Guess what, all tires are made out of the same shit - Rubber. They all feel the same. You wanna know what the tires feel like? Kick your own fucking tires. That's what these fucking tires feel like.. And even more, did I mention the TIRES are included? You buy the truck, keep the fucking tires. Kick them in your own driveway. I don't need them. You get them when you buy the truck. You wanna drive it first? Come drive it and then hand me $2950 and drive away in your new fucking truck. I got shit to do.
You want info about the truck? Here's everything you need to know..
- It has about 149,000 miles on it. I didn't even tamper with the odometer. It's all original, A-Box Title, and that shit ain't even costing extra.. All these miles included for the low price of only $2950. That's only 2 cents per mile! You can't even buy shit at the Dollar store for that cheap.
- I bought it in 2001 from Earnhardt Ford and it had 30,000 miles on it. I paid $15,000 for it.. You're getting the same fucking truck for 80% Off!! And you still get 100% of the Truck! You can't beat that unless you steal it!
- This truck can do anything.. It hauls shit. It tows shit. It pushes shit. It drives up hills, it drives down hills. It turns corners. You want to haul plants, go buy some plants and haul them with this truck. You wanna buy a couch? Go buy the couch and haul it home in the back of this truck. Tools? Yard Equipment? Rocks? No problem. Dirt? No Problem. Weeds and tree trimmings? Fuck yeah haul that shit off, just tie it down so you don't have shit fly off and hit the Yellow Pontiac Fiero behind you, causing the punk ass bitch kid to fly into a rage and chase you in a threatening manner all over the fucking countryside, just to drive off crying when you call in some friends for back up and box him in and then get in his face with a baseball bat.. You read that right... There's a place behind the seat to hide a fucking baseball bat! And it's not even EXTRA! You might even have room for TWO bats. I don't know though, I've never needed two bats.
- I don't smoke and nobody has ever smoked in the truck, but you can do whatever the fuck you want, it's your truck for one easy cash payment of $2950. Sit in it and smoke a joint, or a cigarette, or be a hipster and smoke an e-cig.. It's up to you once you drive out of my yard and I never see you again.
- It has a 6 Cylinder Flex Fuel engine. But it's never been converted so you can buy gas for it anywhere. Except not at Kohls.. Just places that sell gas.. If they sell gas, you can buy gas for this truck. And do the math, for $2950 that's less than $500 per cylinder and everything else on the truck is fucking free! Have you ever seen anybody else tell you the cost per cylinder? No because they don't have the balls to tell you.. What are THEY hiding? What don't they want you to know? Is it a government conspiracy? I don't know but I even did the math for you for NO EXTRA CHARGE!
- A/C. Not only does it have a fully functioning A/C system, it's like a fucking freezer if you turn it up all the way. You wanna stop and get ice cream and make little swirly licks around the cone as you're enjoying your Sunday afternoon treat without that shit dripping all over your shirt? You can do it in this truck and it won't even fucking melt. You might even get frostbite on your face, but that's okay because you can just stay in this truck and DRIVE to the Emergency Room and they'll fix you up nice and pretty again. But bitch, get your own insurance because this truck does not come with insurance.
- Fully Automatic transmission. You can text AND drive now because your hands aren't tied up shifting at every stop light or when some asshole stops fast in front of you on the freeway. Think of all the work you can get done and the time you'll save.
- Everything works and when shit on this truck broke, we fixed it. Over the years we've replaced the transmission, control arms, wheel bearings, Tie rods, gaskets, brakes, rotors.. And we usually end up with only a few screws and unknown parts left over and the truck seems to drive fine, so I say fuck it. And there's been a couple times where it's been dead, and then a few days later it was back to life thanks to a prayer, a good mechanic, and $500. In fact, it's been resurrected from the dead more times than Jesus Christ himself!
- It has Manual doors, seats, and windows. Turn the handle and the windows go up and down. What's not to love about that? Someone piss you off on the 202? Roll down your window and flip them off. Or honk the horn, it's up to you. And speaking of "manual" shit on this truck, It has a manual tailgate, manual gas cap, manual wiper switch.. It even has the fucking owners manual!
- Step-side with Bed-liner. Not just a bed, it has a Bed "Liner".. You know what that means? It means that when you're hauling shit around, instead of scratching the paint it just tears the fuck out of the liner.. But underneath it all is the original factory paint in mint condition.. That's worth at least $250 right there, but am I charging extra for that? Nope, it's on the truck so it's included.
- Extended cab. There's all kinds of room behind the seats to put shit. Empty soda cans, pizza boxes, rope, backpacks, small kids, baseball bats, tire irons. Just throw it back there and faghettaboutit.
- Custom Stereo. We ripped out the factory stereo and put in a custom one with bright flashing lights and shit. With this shit you can drop some beats, twang a little or go Gangnam Style if you want. You can even set your own stations if you want, like with the touch of a button. Technology is amazing but probably easier if you have a kid to set it up for you. It sounds pretty good as long as you're not next to a car with a nicer system.
- Clean Inside. Clean Title. No Service Engine Lights are lit up and we didn't even pull any fuses. So it's all legit. It also Passed emmissions last time we registered it and we didn't even have to sit in line very long. The emissions guys are kinda rough though, no personality and all business. Maybe some nice chit chat would make it more pleasant. So hopefully you won't have to go through Hell again for at least a year.
- No "Collisions*".. *If you don't count the dump truck that dropped on the front end about 8 years ago.. Christ, don't freak out already, it's not like it was a high speed chase that ended up in a head on collision followed by a foot chase and tazers.. The dump truck tipped over on it while it was parked in our driveway.. Nobody died, thanks for asking but it was pretty traumatic and woke all the neighbors up at 6am. And one of them was a real asshole so maybe he just got what he deserved.. And I have pics if you want to see the damage yourself. It was mostly front end panels, lights, engine parts. I was hoping they would just cut me a check to cover it, but the insurance guys for the Dump Truck company were assholes and thought it would be better to spend $8,000 fixing the truck than to let me buy some nice presents for Christmas for my family.
- Decent body and paint. The paint on the hood and top are oxidized, and so it looks kinda 'matte' finish on them but that's cool because Matte paint is all the rage with the kids these days. Just sand off the rest of the clearcoat and it's like you did a custom paint job on this bitch..
- MAJOR UPGRADES: I'm hooking you up because this truck was upgraded from having TWO cup holders.. It's now been upgraded to have 2 cup holders and 1 premium cup holder in the arm rest. Great for coffee or soda or water bottles.. Anything with a round cup shape will fit in this but your passengers are gonna have to hold onto their own shit or use the one on the floor. It's not a lexus for hell sakes. Do you think you're paying extra for this luxury? If you would have bought it last week for $5000, then yes but now you're saving $2000 and the cup holder is absolutely 100% free! Buy your own beverages.
- Did I mention take what's in it? If there's gas in it, you can have it. 3/4 tank? You're good to go for a few miles. Empty? Hope you make it to QT but don't call me if you end up pushing it. Do you want the Oil? Not a problem, I'm letting the oil, transmission fluid, wiper fluid, brake fluid and any other fluids go with the vehicle. It would be tragic to separate them after they've spent so much time together in this truck.
Shown by scheduled appointment only. Serious buyers. Please text 480-797-3557. I won't answer my phone so you'll have to leave a voice mail if you insist on calling. I might listen to the voice mail. Don't get your feelings all hurt though, i don't even answer the phone when my mom calls. And don't text before 11am because I'm still getting my beauty sleep. You can come buy the truck most evenings or on the weekend. I don't need the money, I just need room in my driveway. Someone please buy my fucking truck.
- Location: Queen Creek & Sossoman
